I avoid taking the children swimming every year because of my discomfort with bathing suits. Now this is not a piece about poor body image or low self esteem. This is about how stupid women's bathing suits are in a practical world.
Bathing suits are not made for moms! They are made for skinny models who stand by the pool in stilettos posing like goddesses, and for every single woman who thinks if she just lounges around the pool trying to look like one of those models, the perfect suit will bait the ideal mate.
Now there are the more athletic suits, but they still are about like wearing your underwear in public. One has to worry about something falling out or riding up. I won't even discuss the endless hair removal processes that are time consuming and don't lend themselves to any spontaneity. Mom's barely get 20 minutes to take a bath or wash their hair on most days!
My solution is I'm inventing a new line of swim gear called Commando Mom Swimwear. The bottoms are a cross between men's swim trunks and cargo shorts. They are tailored to a woman's body, have waterproof pockets for stick suntan lotion, your keys, and snack bar money, and you one wear them like shorts once they dry out so a stop by the grocery store on the way home is not inconvenient. The tops can range from biking style, sports bra like, or tank depending on preference. There should be a matching line of water shoes, because one always ends up chasing their child around the edge of the pool yelling, " I said walk!"
Sunday, June 8, 2008
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